Dear Pink, RE: “Raise Your Glass” Remember how in that song you sing that we will never be anything but “nitty-gritty dirty little freaks”? “Nitty-gritty” is NOT the same thing as “gritty”. Nits are louse eggs and they are gross. “Nitty-gritty” is the fine print, the tiny details, the tiny, tiny, louse eggs you have to “nit-pick” out of your hair after summer camp to be sure they won’t hatch and make you have head lice again.
Dear Movies, RE: Shrieking, Hysterical Men You know how in every horror movie or cop drama there’s a lady who screams real loud when she finds a body? Why is it that you never see a man scream like that when he finds a body? Am I to assume men are jaded beyond being able to be horrified by murdered corpses? Shame on you, men.
Dear Katy Perry, RE: “Firework” In answer to your question, “do you ever feel like a plastic bag?”, I never feel like a plastic bag. Sometimes I feel like a paper bag, though.
Dear Megan Fox, RE: “alleged” new boobies Really? Were you feeling unattractive? Not getting the kind of attention you wanted? Not getting cast as the hot girl enough? STOP OPPRESSING ME WITH YOUR INCREASINGLY IMPOSSIBLE BEAUTY!!!
Dear Real Life, RE: High School Some people criticize Hollywood for its unrealistic portrayal of high school as a sexy playground of talented and quirky modelesque teens whose biggest problems are popularity and cheerleading/football. I think real life needs to get its act together and be more like TV; full of pretty, toned people, makeovers, and cool guidance counsellors.